Freddy vs Jason: The Unfunded Sequel
by Alexander Ruse
Summary: Freddy and Jason battle it out in a few nonsensical to finally found out who's 1! Screenplay possibilities.


Freddy vs. Jason: Revised copy  
  
::Darkness fades in, an eerie musical piece begins playing. ::  
  
"It came out August 15th, 2003." ::Fades in, going to the right, slowly, then fades out..::  
  
".The parody was decided on September 9th, 2003." ::Fades in, similar to the text before.::  
  
"And it's finally here." ::Fades in, from the middle.::  
  
::The sound of a phone ringing.someone with a heavy Indian accent picks up.:: Telephone victim: "Hello?" Eerie voice: "One, two.Freddy's coming for you." Victom: ".hello? I do not understand hat you are saying!" Eerie voice: ".enh.Three, four.better lock your door." Victom: ".sir?" Eerie voice: "Five.six.better..er.pick up sticks." Victom: "I think you need to hire some competent writers. Your little song isn't scaring me. It's pretty catchy, also.. One two freddy comes for you! Eerie voice: ".Think so? I've always known these writers were amateurs." Victom: "Hire some good writers. Thank you, call again!"  
  
::The title bursts onto the screen::  
  
FREDDY VS. JASON  
  
Other possibilities.for copywritten reasons.  
  
FREDRICK VS. JAY  
  
FREDDAY VS. JAYSON:  
  
The Un-funded Sequel!  
  
"Witness two of Walnut High School's biggest stars go face to face!" ::Comes from the bottom of the screen. Fades out.::  
  
::Shows Freddy, eerie music playing low in the background. He has butter- knife clawglove, a plastic hat and a black trenchcoat.::  
  
Freddy: "Hello kiddies!..Line." ::He speaks to someone offscreen.:: Prompter: "Welcome." Freddy: "Welcome!..Line." Prompter: "To." Freddy: "To!..Line." Prompter: "My Nightmare." Freddy: "His nightmare!!!" (He laughs wildly, freezes a few moments after.his eyes shift suspiciously.) ::Abruptly goes to black.::  
  
"Behold the ultimate game of strength that these two monsters must go through!"  
  
::Shows the unstoppable Jason, over Freddy's shoulder. Then goes to Jason's shoulder, showing Freddy.::  
  
Freddy: "Jason.it's come to this." Jason: ::Subtitle-like text comes up.Since Jason doesn't speak, he talks like this. Can be changed.:: Yes, Fred. It has. Freddy: (reading Jason's response on bottom of screen. He laughs wildly, confidently.) "Let the games begin!"  
  
::They stare at each other for a few moments.Cuts from over-the-shoulder's Freddy to over-the shoulder Jason. They both sit down.across from each other. Camera pans down revealing a chessboard. They begin playing. We play with over overdramaticly. Each move extremely dramatic. At one point, Freddy picks up his Knight and places it down and laughs wildly, screaming like a war cry. He stops, looking around. Pan around, showing the camera crew looking at Fred very strangely. Back to Fred.::  
  
Freddy: ".uh.I mean.Knight to D5. HAHAHAH! What 'cha gonna do NOW, HOTSHOT? HUH? HUH? CHECK!"  
  
::We still hear Freddy's taunts. Camera to Jason who looks at the board for a second. Picks up a piece and places it down. Jason looks up.::  
  
Jason: (still in subs) Checkmate.  
  
::Some guy wearing an alien mask steps in, looking to the board, nodding.:: Freddy loses! ::And steps out.::  
  
Freddy: (Looking at board, eyes wide) "WHAT?! .FINE! TWO OUT OF THREE!"  
  
::Showing five or so second clips of each of the following.::  
  
Freddy running around Jason, dribbling a basketball. Jason sticks out his arm, clotheslining Freddy. Jason picks up that ball and makes a shot. At a bowling alley; Jason, now understanding the game, lobs the ball into the gutter. Freddy attempts to get his claws in to holes, but granny rolls the ball into a strike. (Film Fred throwing the ball, show a strike.) Arm Wrestling. Shoot from both shoulder views, like the chess game. Freddy is going nuts, trying to get Jason's mammoth arm down. It doesn't budge. Freddy uses two hands. Doesn't budge. Freddy yells, and points "Look over there! It's .uh.SHIRLEY TEMPLE *can be changed!" Jason looks, his arm falls. Tennis. Freddy & Jason, wearing headbands in short shorts. 'nuff said. Shows a girl walking down from in front, but hear Freddy's voice. "Hey babe, what's big and red and right behind you?" The girl turns around, gasping. Freddy holds a big red ball. "This ball!" Screen goes black, hear a slap. Same business, but with Jason. Jason does a stabbing motion, but instead of a knife it's a flower. Girl kisses Jason on cheek.  
  
::Shows Freddy and Jason standing beside each other on the theater. Someone from behind speaks. Heavy English accent.::  
  
"Well, Freddy, Jason. This is it, you're the last two contestants. This will be the final song. Freddy'll go first."  
  
::Freddy steps up. He seems.too much into the role.::  
  
Freddy: "I'm going to sing a song which has touched the hearts of millions. First I was afraid, I was petrified! Kept thinkin' I could never live without 'cha by my side!"  
  
English gentlemen: "Er, ok, Freddy. That's enough..go back and send Jas - "  
  
Freddy: "You know that I, I WILL SURVI-IVE!"  
  
English.: "FREDDY! GO GET JASON!"  
  
::Freddy pouts, exiting upstage. Jason enters with a sweatshirt on and the hood on. The theme song from "8 Mile" begins playing. Jason begins to imitate Eminem. Subtitles stream across the screen at super speed."  
  
English Gentlemen: "Jason.that's too fast."  
  
Jason: (Subtitles) Well, sir. Kids nowadays can't even really understand the music they listen to.let alone care. So I'm just mimicking them."  
  
::Screen goes black. Fades in from top.:: "Watch as the two behemoths clash out in a game of SKILL and SPEED!" ::Fade out::  
  
::Shows the top of a Dance Dance Revolution machine.then Freddy and Jason on it. They glare at each other, nose to nose::  
  
Freddy: This is the final competition, Jason. And we're both tied. You don't think your actually going to win, do you?  
  
::Jason's head bobs up and down, like he's talking. But no subtitles come up. Freddy looks down, thinking he's going to read. He looks up, confused.::  
  
Freddy: Hey, where are Jason's subtitles?  
  
::Camera shoots to someone behind.::  
  
Director: I'm sorry guys, but I'm afraid we're having out funds for this project cut. We had to release some of our staff. ::Shows alien on the side of a road with sign, "Will probe for food.":: So, Jason, your going to have to .do what you can do.  
  
::Jason holds up a sign.::  
  
Jason: "Indeed. Let's rock.::  
  
::They begin to dance. Freddy goes nuts dancing like a madman while Jason is rather stiff. Freddy, obviously winning, climbs down after the game is done, breathing heavily.::  
  
Freddy: Did I win? Did I??  
  
::Score comes up. Freddy: 1 Jason: 1.::  
  
Freddy: "Awww, man. But how? We did so many competitions."  
  
::Jason shrugs.::  
  
::Movie-style ending commercial shows.::  
  
Movie coming out Never in a Local theater near you!  
  
:: Shot of freddy, Jason and Alien (with sign) and entire Video tech class::  
  
All: "Happy Halloween!  
  
Freddy bursts forward: (Speaking loudly, yelling) "I'll see you in your.Line!"  
  
All: Dreams!  
  
Fin. 


End file.
